It is not fair.


Do you want me to write about us’, she asked. And that question created a chain reaction of happiness in me which was evident from my huge smile. ‘Why not!’ I replied to her. 
‘So what should be its title?’

‘Hey!! You are good at it so, I can’t help you here’

‘Ok, at least suggest how should I start’

‘My memory isn’t good either’

‘This isn’t fair! One should remember the first meeting at least!!!’  

She was dejected by my answers and I was enjoying that. Teasing her has always been amusing for me. 

‘Eric, I am not writing unless you tell me how we met!! I mean it’s so bad that you can forget such thing!!’ 

I knew I can’t mess with her for much longer so I smiled and told her what I can never dare to forget. Because it was the day that blessed me with her surreal companionship. And today marks 7 years of our togetherness. 

But still her trembling voice which I heard for the first time is engraved in my memory. She was struggling to reach the top shelf and That was when she asked for my help. I grabbed the dvd from the shelf and turned to hand it over to her. 

Stunned 

Startled

Stuck

I was,

Don’t know by her simplicity or by the amount of things she was already holding or by the tears that were about to fall. I could have handed her the dvd and left for my own movie night but I ended up in the park, listening to her story of rejection. I wonder what an idiot the person must have been to not approve her short story. Since then I have been trying to persuade her to write and finally After 7 years, she has agreed to it. I feel so proud of her because over the years she has improved her skills immensely and I am sure she will ace it this time. Because our relationship has all the details a story must contain and yes, a happy ending too!

.

.

.

.

.

And that was it. 

You left me. It’s me now writing about us, you know it’s not fair because I can’t express what we had that your death took away from me. It’s not fair, I was supposed to read our story written by you instead of writing it while crying and cursing. It’s not fair that our story doesn’t get a happy ending. It’s not fair I am left with a trembling voice for rest of my life. It is just not fair.

Disrespect.

It took me less than a minute to realise how badly I had hurt her. I ran after her with the belief that she will forgive me right away.Guess what, I was wrong. Completely wrong. Sometimes healing is just not an option, when you break someone brutally enough that they get lost whilst finding their own pieces.

If you are thinking that what happened when I went after her then yes, we got together but that togetherness is the most excruciating thing I have experienced in my life. And I am all to be blamed for the void created between us. 

We should understand that love is a courageous act. It encompasses all the emotions, all the extremes and all the insecurities so disrespecting it should never be on our list. But doing so, marks the start of our sufferings.

That day I made her feel, ‘she wasn’t worthy enough for my love’. Now It’s me deprived of all those heavenly feelings that I don’t even feel worthy enough for my own love. 

-mustahibah

In the elevator..

‘I will grow so deep in you that you won’t be able to get rid of me. I will make you so habitual of my breath that you will crave for it. My touch will be all you will dream off. So, better not mess with me next time.’
I was startled at his nerves that he said those words to me. And those words kept on reverberating in mind for the whole day.

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2 months later
Her head was resting on the wall of elevator. She was wearing the cap so low that I wasn’t able to see her face when she entered. Now all I could see was her wilting flower like body. Her body reflected she was badly exhausted.
Normally, I don’t give a damn about what other person is going through. But I surprised myself and asked her,’Is everything fine?’ There was a slight movement in her and I was expecting a reply but all I received was silence. But after a while she said,’ I want to bury my face in someone’s chest and want to get lost in the warmth of the embrace.’ I was about to say something but the door of elevator opened and she left.